last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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