evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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