Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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