he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
