There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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