I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
