just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
