dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
