Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
