Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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