I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
