after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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