In the future we'll all be gay
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
