So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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