Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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