so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
