I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
