Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
