gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My sheets look like a crime scene.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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