Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
