I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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