She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
