a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
