Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
