Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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