need another drink. this is the easiest way
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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