I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
