need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
