I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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