That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
