It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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