Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
