we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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