Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
