Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
