I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
