we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
