saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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