I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize