her vagine was all disorganized.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
