a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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