just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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