i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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