You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
