It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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