Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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