So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize