i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
