Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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