forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
