How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
