obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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