new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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