I want to stick my p in your. b.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
