people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
