And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We need to get me chipped asap
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize