Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
