My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
this is an emotional support booty call
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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