Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize