dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
