If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
