He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
