Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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