pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
