Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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