why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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