It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize