It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize