I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
