he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
