I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
