He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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