And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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