The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
not ubering you a puppy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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