That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
