seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize