I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
