i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
