My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are the jesus of drinking
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
