i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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