Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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