I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
