i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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