Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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