I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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