Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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