omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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