Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize