im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
