Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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