I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
