I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
