He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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