So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
