oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
