Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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