dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think weed is turning my hair brown
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
