I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Buhtt sex?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
