I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont even know how to be here
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
