So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My life is pants optional.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
