im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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