omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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