Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
