You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
