Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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