dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
