Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
