i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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