good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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