how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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