I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
