If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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