sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
