how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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