WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
