oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bring money and cleavage
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
