the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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